solo and the wookiee

An Announcement...

2011-11-02T13:39:00.001-07:00

I've been going back and forth for awhile and Herman and I finally decided that it's time to say goodbye to Solo and the Wookiee.

First of all, Emilia is going to be our only child...and since she is getting older, I'm feeling more and more private about what we share about her. I'm fine being completely open and honest about me and Herman, but we respect her privacy and we don't want her feeling betrayed years down the road when she reads the blog.

Secondly, and in all honesty, trying to keep up two blogs is just way too much for me. Even with Mills in school four days a week, I'm still maxing out my work hours (which is great!) and with everything that's been happening this year, keeping a separate family blog is too time consuming.

The good news? I'm going to continue blogging (more often, hopefully) over on the 45wall design blog. Over there I plan on talking about work and projects plus tidbits about the girlie or what we as a family are up to.

I have so appreciated all of your support and encouragement and comments over the last 3 (almost 4!) years that we've had this blog, and I want to say thank you to each and every one of you.

Make sure you join me over at the 45wall blog!!!

(the girlie with Papa Loren and his beloved cat. Herman took this when we were in Idaho last week)

Mei!!!

2011-11-01T13:40:00.000-07:00

Mills favorite movie is "My Neighbor Totoro", so last night she went as Mei.

She loved trick or treating. Sometimes she'd yell "Trick or Treat!!!" when the door was opened. That soon became "Chocolate treat!!!". Then, once, when she was a bit flustered, she just yelled out "HALLOWEEN!!!" when the door was opened.

My Grandpa.

2011-10-24T14:51:00.000-07:00

My grandpa passed away yesterday.

I already miss him terribly. He was gregarious and funny and tender and stubborn and I'm having a hard time imagining life without my Papa Wayne in it.

But I'm also thankful. I'm thankful that he passed at home with family around him. I'm thankful that I got to spend time with him last month. I'm thankful that I got to tell him goodbye and how much I love him. I'm thankful that he loved my husband and my daughter. I'm thankful for all the stories I heard him tell. I'm thankful for all the times he teased me and made me laugh. I'm thankful for all the love and cuddles he freely gave me. I'm thankful for the example he was to his family. I'm thankful that I had him for 33 years.

(two of my favorite photos of him)

Seattle!

2011-10-19T16:03:00.000-07:00

This past week, Herman, Emilia and I flew up to Seattle to visit our good friends Noa and Julie (and to throw Julie a baby shower. Read all about it here). Emilia adored Noa and Julie's dogs and loved running around in their huge back yard. Riding the ferry was a huge hit. We had a great time exploring Seattle (and having loads of yummy coffee). And we loved spending time with our dear friends. We love you guys!

(Gorgeous photo of Mills courtesy of Jess Apostle)

Idaho.

2011-10-06T13:52:00.001-07:00

The Weekend (before this past weekend).

2011-10-03T14:33:00.001-07:00

A day in the City. California Academy of Sciences. Best hamburger ever at Super Duper (no joke). Hot chocolate and Beard Papa's before going home.

Hello!

2011-09-29T10:52:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone! First of all, thank you so much for all your kind words and texts and emails and comments about my grandpa. We had a good time with Idaho and I'm so happy to say that Grandpa pulled through and is still with us!

I'll be back next week with new photos and posts. Til then...the girlie...

Grandparents.

2011-09-07T10:48:00.000-07:00

I've been unbelievably blessed in my life. I was 14 when my great Grandmother passed and 19 when my great Grandfather passed. I was so lucky to really know them, and even now I still feel the pain of their loss whenever I see their photos or think about them.

And here I am, 33 years old...and I still have all four of my grandparents. I was lucky to grow up just a few miles from each of them, and the hardest thing about living away from where I grew up is that I really miss them. They are all incredible people whom I admire and love so much. The thought of losing any of them is more than I can bear.

My Papa Wayne (my dad's dad. He's 86) was admitted to the hospital yesterday and is not doing well. Emilia and I are flying to Idaho first thing tomorrow morning.

Things are going to be quiet around here again.

Changes.

2011-09-06T14:02:00.000-07:00

Emilia started preschool today. And...she loved it. LOVED it. When I picked her up she told me that she missed her school already and when I told her that she gets to go back tomorrow, she was giddy with excitement.

We were talking this morning about how hard this letting go thing is. That is natural and right and good that she's going off on her own (even just for a few hours to preschool) and becoming independent...but so hard. The first year and a half of being a family was so much about making sure she understood what it meant to be a part of our family and felt absolutely secure in that. It was such hard work (especially those first 10 months when she didn't like me), but today we got to see the fruit of our hard work.

We're so proud of her. Even though I miss my little shadow like crazy.

Leading up to today, she and I talked a lot about how I couldn't go to school with her. That I'd go in with her, but then I had to leave her with her teacher. She looked me square in the eye and said, "That's okay Mommy. You'll be back to get me."

Seriously.

We've also started to introduce her to a number of different things so that we can begin to gauge what she's interested in (understanding, of course, that she's three and will likely change her mind). We've introduced her to sports and music and dance and art...and gymnastics. Oh, the gymnastics. Next to music, quite possibly the thing she's most into.

So, we enrolled her in a once a week gymnastics class. Last Tuesday was her first day and we had so much fun watching her try and succeed at new things.

When she got up on the parallel bars and walked across on her hands and feet...I was SO proud. I could see she was so scared, but she did it and did it well.

I don't know if it's something that she's going to decide to stick with for years...but she definitely seems to be enjoying it right now. Oh, and it's not one of those mommy and me classes (um, can you see me doing one of those? Nope). It's a real gym with coaches and parents not allowed on the floor. Good for her (to have to take instruction from a coach) and for me (that I can enjoy just watching her).

Update.

2011-07-27T14:40:00.000-07:00

Hello again.

We're still here.

I promise.

After almost 3 months of going non-stop without a break, I'm a bit burnt out. Unfortunately staying up to date on our blog and even responding to email seems to take everything out of me (seriously, if you've emailed me and I haven't responded yet, I'm really sorry), so it might be a bit quiet around here until I find some energy and motivation.

Herman is great. Emilia is amazing. I'm good. Just tired.

Emilia's Beatles Party!!!

2011-07-13T15:34:00.001-07:00

(For more photos and all the party details go here)

At the end of the party, Emilia sat down and gave an impromptu unplugged mini concert:

The party was amazing and we had a great time with all of our friends and I think Emilia was in heaven the whole time. A huge thank you to all our friends for coming out to celebrate with us. A special thanks to Julie for all her help pre and post party. And to Sarah for her huge help in sewing the lyric banners.

What She's Been Waiting For

2011-07-06T15:31:00.001-07:00

This week, we've been doing a lot of this:

In preparation for this:

Come back next week for photos of the party! See more invite photos here.

10 Years.

2011-07-01T15:17:00.001-07:00

10 years ago (yesterday), we were doing a little bit of this:

...and this:

And last night, we dropped the girlie off with her cousins and we did a little bit of this:

Might I just point out that this is the first time Herman and I've been out...just the two of us...in 1.5 years? Yup.

There are a lot of things that I could say about being married to Herman for 10 years, but I'll just say this...I'm so thankful. Especially now.

Herman, you are, quite simply, the best man I know. You are unfailingly kind and good and the most dedicated and loyal person I know. I so admire your ability to see the best in every person and every situation. I admire that you are steady and confident and sure. I love that you know me better than anyone in the world, and go to great lengths to show me that. I love that you want the best for me and will not give up until it's happened. I love that you place me (and now Emilia) as priority above all else. You are my rock, my best friend, my favorite, and I love you so much. Happy anniversary.

(by Erik Marinovich)

The Weekend.

2011-06-27T15:07:00.001-07:00

Happy Weekend!

2011-06-24T14:22:00.000-07:00

The Weekend.

2011-06-20T15:00:00.001-07:00

Update.

2011-06-15T13:35:00.000-07:00

So. It's been just over 4 weeks since Herman had his surgery. And this is how amazing he's doing:

I look at him and it's hard to comprehend the magnitude of what happened. I mean, come on...look at him! Aside from being exhausted on a daily basis (understandably so) and having a massive scar running across his head, he is completely back to being himself.

We spend a lot of time talking and trying to process through all of this. I'm finding myself keeping a lot of it at arms length because when I really let it all in...let in how close we came to losing him...I panic and can't stop sobbing. He's incredibly thankful to be alive and overwhelmed that he is. So we talk a lot about how thankful we are. Sometimes I can't seem to get close enough to him. Or I find myself not wanting to stop touching him or holding his hand.

One thing we've heard a lot from people is "I can't wait to see what God does with you now" or "God saved you...He must have big plans for you", etc.

I get the sentiment. Really, I do. But I don't necessarily agree.

Okay. Maybe God will do something big with Herman's life. Maybe He won't. Whatever. To be completely honest, I don't really care.

Because here's what I firmly believe: I think that God saved Herman to spare me and Emilia the pain of losing him.

To me, it's enough that he's alive. That I get to be his wife rather than his widow. That we get to spend every day together. That he gets to see Emilia grow up. That I still have my best friend. I don't need him to do anything other than that.

Because with all we've been through together (and my natural tendency towards depression) I know in the deepest part of my soul that I could not have survived losing him.

To be alive. To be my husband. To be Emilia's dad. That's enough for me. And that is what I'm so incredibly thankful for.

How to Celebrate a Secret Birthday...

2011-06-14T14:50:00.000-07:00

Go to the park. Then go get yummy ice cream.

Done.

Three!!!

2011-06-13T13:52:00.001-07:00

Look who's three today!

So funny thing...we haven't told her it's her birthday today. Crazy right? Before you deem us horrible parents *smile*, we decided about 6 months ago that we were going to throw her a huge Beatles party for her third birthday. Then we told her...and she's been so ridiculously excited ever since. Any time someone says three, her little eyebrows will shoot up and she'll say (loudly):

"Three? I'm almost three!!! When I turn three I'm going to get a big Beatles birthday party, right? RIGHT Mama?"

The party was originally scheduled for this past Saturday, but with everything that's happened, we decided to push it back until early July. And we decided to not tell her it's her birthday because in her mind turning three means big Beatles birthday party...she'd be so disappointed if I told her it was her birthday...and no party.

So, baby girl, Happy (secret) Birthday. You are our favorite baby and our best girl in the whole world and we love you so much.

Recovering.

2011-06-02T15:08:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's been almost three weeks. Almost three weeks ago that our world was turned upside down...that I almost lost my best friend...and that Emilia almost lost her Baba.

I'm beyond thankful for my amazing husband and his fighting spirit and how incredibly well he's recovering from all of this. I'm thankful for family hugs and laying in bed talking and being able to laugh and cry together.

Herman...I love you more than life.

Home.

2011-05-24T15:52:00.000-07:00

After 10 days in the hospital, Herman came home today.

He's doing remarkably well (beating the odds is what his doctors kept saying) and had only one set back (but not a small one. It landed him back in the ICU over the weekend), but he's home.

We have a long road ahead of us until he's back to himself. Until day 21 (after the aneurysm ruptured), he's still at a high risk for vasospasm, so I won't be able to breath completely at ease until then.

But he's home.

Thank you so much for your incredibly words of encouragement, your comments, your prayers and good thoughts. It's been a rough 10 days and we've been sustained by your support. Thank you.

Herman.

2011-05-16T14:53:00.000-07:00

Saturday morning I woke up and Herman wasn't home. I didn't think much of it since he often will go to the gym or to grab coffee on the weekends before I wake up. At 10.15 I got a call from Stanford hospital that he was in the emergency room and that I needed to get there as soon as possible.

He'd been at the gym when he passed out. At the ER he was diagnosed with a brain aneurysm that had ruptured, leading to bleeding in his brain. Fortunately, he arrived at the hospital fully functional (mentally and physically) in spite of the seriousness of the situation.

Yesterday he underwent a neurosurgical procedure where they opened up his skull to access the brain. The surgeon had to get beneath his brain to fix the aneurysm. Afterward, the surgeon informed us that everything went as expected without any complications. Which is obviously amazing news.

However, he also warned us that they'll be closely watching him over the coming days because of fears of vasospasms and re-bleeds. Basically, the hurtle of the surgery is over with, but there are still real risks of developing additional problems.

After surgery and for the most of this morning, Herman has (as expected) been pretty out of it and really uncomfortable. He is fully responsive and following basic commands (move your toes, etc) which are great signs that his brain if well functioning.

Our families are here and we are beyond blessed to have people in our lives that will drop everything at a moments notice to help out, and there are many things to be thankful for (that he wasn't driving, that we weren't on vacation, that he's at Stanford, etc). But we still need tons of prayer, happy thoughts, encouragement etc. He's got a long road of recovery in front of him.

Until things settle down a bit, it's going to be a bit quiet around here. I've been updating people via email, so if you want to receive that, let me know.

London Day 7

2011-05-11T15:06:00.000-07:00

Normally, towards the end of a vacation (especially a long vacation like this one) I start to feel homesick and ready to go. Not so this time. We leave London tomorrow morning and I'm really sad about it. I would seriously move to London in a heartbeat; I really love it here.

So. Our last day. We got up and headed to the Tate Modern.

We had some lunch (and the girlie decided to claim my soda as her own).

She had a last fish and chips meal.

And at the recommendation of a friend (thanks Sarah!!!) we tried the Sticky Toffee Pudding. It was SO good.

Running down the (really impressive) Turbine Hall in the museum.

Studying the Matisse.

And she loved the slide that made music when she slid down.

Of course, a toddler (even our extremely well behaved toddler) will get bored rather quickly in a museum, so after an hour, we headed outside and walked across the Millennium Bridge.

For our last meal, we went to the Laughing Gravy, an amazing little restaurant. The staff was incredible and the food was amazing. If you're heading to London, you have to check it out. Make sure to try their rib eye (or their Hake fillet) and for dessert have the Eton Mess. It's my new favorite thing. I want to move to London just so I can eat here on a regular basis. It's that good.

And that, dear friends, concludes our trip. It's been incredible.

London Day 6

2011-05-10T14:09:00.001-07:00

Today was tourist day. We took one of the double decker buses on a 2 hour tour around London, and I have to say...it's a pretty good way to see the city in one go with a toddler (a toddler who slept through some of it).

Tomorrow is our last day and we head to the airport Thursday morning. Sad. But it'll be good to go home. The girlie misses home and tells me at least 3 or 4 times a day that she misses Dexter. Cute, right?

London Day 5

2011-05-09T14:21:00.001-07:00

Today was a little bit of a shopping day. We hit up Liberty of London (Susan and Wendy, the photo is for you)...

Then Hamleys Toy store. We are coming home with this charming little squirrel family (there's also a little baby squirrel, but it's permanently attached to Emilia)...

After lunch and a bit of a rest in the afternoon, we took a walk over to Baker Street...

...to the Beatles Store. Yup. A whole store devoted just to the Beatles. You would have thought she'd died and gone to Heaven...and that was just from looking at the window display. "Mama! Look! That's John! That's JOHN MAMA!!!"

One guess who she's looking at...

She walked out with a tiny little tin lunchbox and a John button, which she wore proudly.

The Beatles store is right next door to 221b Baker Street...The Sherlock Holmes Museum. Emilia is a natural Sherlock:

After dinner we took a nice stroll back to our hotel. Have I mentioned how much I love London?

I hear that we might actually try to do something really touristy tomorrow. We'll see.

London Day 4

2011-05-08T13:34:00.001-07:00

I feel like I could write a book (or a long blog post) about the do's and don'ts of taking an international holiday with a toddler. Maybe I will. The blog post. Not the book.

Anyway, one of the most important things to do is also the hardest: keeping the kiddie on a schedule. Mills is amazingly easy going and acclimates well, but she still thrives on routine and each day has been so packed full and different that we felt like she was coming a little untethered.

So we decided that today would be a down day.

We slept in. We packed and changed hotels. We had a nice lunch. She took a nap. Then we went to the Princess Di Memorial Park (which is a great playground, by the way) in Kensington Gardens and let Emilia run and play to her hearts content. Then we had dinner and got her to bed by her bedtime.

We so needed that.

London Day 3

2011-05-07T14:47:00.000-07:00

Today: Windsor Castle and Notting Hill.

(I'm exhausted tonight).

London Day 2

2011-05-06T15:00:00.001-07:00

Maybe it was the beautiful cloudless day. Maybe it's just the rhythm of the city itself...but...I LOVE London. Seriously. And I've only seen the tiniest bit of it.

Ben...

"Mama! I wanna live in there" she says as soon as she sees the phone booth. I think she could have played in there all day she loved it so much (and I might have told her that I'd build her one when we get home...).

The designer geek in me loves all the Underground signage...

The Eye.

Mills loved the horses, and this gorgeous one in particular. Although she wasn't all that keen on it getting too close to her.

Trafalgar Square.

Mini.

Goodbye Paris...Hello London!

2011-05-05T13:59:00.000-07:00

We had a bit of extra time this morning/early afternoon between check out and catching our train to London, so we headed over to Place de la Concorde to walk through the Tuileries Garden towards the Louvre. It was a beautiful Paris day...and a great way to spend our last hours there.

We're in London, but haven't had an opportunity to explore yet, as it was later by the time we got to the hotel, checked in, settled, etc. But I love what I've seen so far (the drive to the hotel) and we're looking forward to exploring tomorrow!

Paris Day Six.

2011-05-04T15:27:00.001-07:00

Sigh.

Tomorrow we leave Paris. And while I'm so excited to go to London...Paris is...well, it's Paris. And I love it here.

I woke up feeling much better today (albeit still a bit weak), so we decided to take it somewhat easy and get some of the shopping done that we'd wanted.

First stop: a friend had told me that one of my favorite French kids clothing stores (Bonpoint) which is normally waaaaay out of our price range, had an outlet! So we went. And the outlet? Still waaaaaaay out of our price range.

Second stop: While reading David Lebovitz's blog, I came across an entry where he RAVES about a tiny little candy shop and the chocolate it sells...especially a caramel chocolate bar called a Kalouga bar. It was one thing I really wanted to get. We've been staying in the way south of Paris and the shop is located in the way north, so we three trekked up there to grab one of these amazing bars. Only to find out that David Lebovitz himself had just been in the day before with a group of American tourists and cleaned out their supply. Seriously. To which I say, David Lebovitz, kind sir, I believe you owe me a Kalouga bar. However, we didn't make it out empty handed. We are coming home with some rather tasty looking Bernachon chocolates.

After that, we went to the Marais (another of our favorite neighborhoods and just a short walk from where we lived in the Bastille) because I wanted to stop at one of my favorite chocolate shops. A place that makes the best spicy hot chocolate...and sells their mix. I finally finished my last stash and was seriously excited to stock up. Well...we found out that they've been taken over by another chocolatier, and that they no longer sell spicy hot chocolate. Or the mix.

0 for 3.

Oh well.

We did have a great time walking around together and we ended the evening with dinner at a great restaurant. We leave tomorrow afternoon for London and I'm hoping that after we pack, we can make one last outing here.

Paris Day Five.

2011-05-03T12:13:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been sick on vacation? Have you ever been sick on vacation to Paris? It sucks. In the middle of the night last night I seem to have come down with some sort of flu which rendered me completely immobile for all of today. Seriously? I couldn't even stand up right for more than 10 minutes and I've slept almost the whole day away.

Everyone else went on a bike ride around the city. But since I wasn't there, there aren't too many photos of the day.

sigh. I sure hope tomorrow is a better day.

Paris Day Four.

2011-05-02T13:26:00.001-07:00

Today we headed to Montmartre. First up? A carousel ride, naturally (although this one at the base of Sacre Coeur was more expensive and a shorter ride than the one at the Eiffel Tower). But really, whatever. She was happy.

I actually remembered to pack her travel cards and she had fun going through them to pick out the Sacre Coeur card.

She wanted to walk the entire way up and she actually made it. Last time Herman and I were here (in 2007) we lit a candle at Sacre Coeur for our future children. Today we lit one together in thankfulness for our little family. Emilia was really happy when we let her pick out the candle and where to place it...especially when she found out it was for her.

After lunch, Emilia and I headed back to the hotel for rest/down time and Herman, Jervis, Jen and my mother and father in law headed to...cooking class! Well, baking class. They learned how to make about 5 different French desserts!

Mills and I caught up with everyone after their class, then we spent the rest of the afternoon/evening walking around Montmartre. It's definitely still one of my favorite places to walk around in Paris.

Paris Day Three

2011-05-01T14:04:00.001-07:00

I'm lovin' the easy pace we've set here. Mills and I slept in and then hung out this morning while Herman went to the airport to pick up Jervis and Jen.

After they freshened up, we decided to go for a late lunch picnic at the Eiffel Tower. When I told Emilia that we were going to go back to the Eiffel Tower, she asked if I could surprise her again (we had her put her head down on my shoulder with her eyes closed yesterday...this, apparently was a great hit), so I did. And we got the same reaction:

And the same happy dancing:

We let her go on the carousel again, which is now one of her great loves.

We found a nice shady spot for our picnic...

(our view):

Then she promptly fell asleep as we walked around.

But we revived her in time for some really yummy hot chocolate.

When we got on the metro to go to Notre Dame, she asked if I could surprise her again. Same routine. When she opened her eyes, she gasped and squealed "No-tra Da-mee!" She later told me it was her favorite thing of the day and she even made up a little song about it. Silly girl.

Naturally, there were loads of pigeon birds there that she happily chased.

We ended our day at the Île Saint-Louis, where she became fascinated with watching the boats go down the Seine. Her new favorite question is: "Can we live there?"

Paris Day Two

2011-04-30T16:10:00.001-07:00

We took Emilia to see the Eiffel Tower today. We cooked up a plan to surprise her and it worked amazingly well. When we had her open her eyes, it took her a few seconds to process what she was seeing...then she softly said "Paris...the Eiffel Tower!" Then a couple more seconds and: "Can we live in there?"

Yup. She loved it.

Want to see the face of a two year old whose dream has come true? She was completely in awe.

And awe eventually gave way to complete and utter joy and happiness...which, of course, led to dancing...

We're Here!

2011-04-29T14:33:00.001-07:00

Insanely tired, but oh so happy.

We arrived in Paris around 8.30 am. And yes, in case you are wondering, that makes for a ridiculously long day. We took a train from the airport and got to our hotel around 11 only to find that our room wouldn't be ready until 1.00. So we explored the neighborhood (Mills fell asleep in her stroller), had lunch and then crashed in our (rather large by Paris standards) hotel room until 4.00.

Emilia has been amazing this entire trip. Seriously. We only had one major meltdown at 4.00 when we told her we had to get up. "I wanna go to sleep Mama!!!". Me too baby girl.

So we got our butts out the door and took the metro to Saint-Germain-des-Prés (one of our favorite arrondissements).

Emilia entertained a couple (the one on the bench behind her) with some killer dance moves in the square in front of St. Sulpice.

She then discovered a new hobby: "chasing the pigeon birds" (as she calls it).

How can someone this small, who's had next to no sleep be this happy? I guarantee I was not.

The giant doors of St. Sulpice.

And of course, grabbing macarons from Pierre Herme on our way back to the hotel. Herman and I had to pay for our macarons. She did not. Master charmer at work again.

Tomorrow we're going to take her to the Eiffel Tower and do a few other things before heading to see some good friends that live outside the city. More photos tomorrow (yes! On the weekend!).

By the way, sorry the photos aren't formatted as usual. I normally blog from my desktop, which has the magic photo formula that Herman gave me. I forgot to write it down before we left...

Tomorrow Morning...

2011-04-27T16:29:00.001-07:00

...we leave for Paris!

(I made Emilia some travel cards...to see more about them go here)

The Weekend.

2011-04-25T14:52:00.000-07:00

We hope you all had a great Easter weekend too!

Swamped...

2011-04-20T13:29:00.001-07:00

...but hopefully I'll have everything finished by the end of the weekend. I've been waking up in the morning...working out...then working a bit before Mills wakes up...then working in the afternoon (pushing my three hours a day to four)...then working a bit after she goes to sleep. Whew. Seriously. I have to be done soon. And then I'll be back to regular blogging.

And speaking of regular blogging, we leave for our trip next Thursday (!!!) and since I'll have my laptop, I totally plan on blogging about our trip at the end of each day. Yay!

Emilia recently started saying her own prayers. And it's killing me. Want a sampling? This is her most recent prayer:

"Dear God. Thank you for Foster Mom and my lady*. Thank you for China where Mama and Baba come meet me and Panda. Thank you for Paris and the big tall Eiffel Tower and the big stairs that go up to the church**. And thank you for London and the Beatles. Thank you for Totoro. And thank you for the Avett Brothers. Amen."

She cracks me up. Then I'm filled with all sorts of gooey mushy heart feelings because she's thanking God for all her favorite things.

Sigh. I love her.

*She calls her birth mom "my lady". How sweet is that?
**The other day she asked me to tell her a story about the really big stairs (?). Since I don't know too many stories about the really big stairs, I told her about Montmartre and Sacre Couer and how you have to climb a lot of stairs to get up to the church and then you can see the whole city of Paris from there. Apparently my "story" was a hit.

My Sweet Girl.

2011-04-06T13:45:00.001-07:00

The other day I was sitting on the floor playing with Mills. She walked over to me, put her hands on my face, looked me in the eye and said, "Mama. You're my favorite girl."

Right back at ya, baby girl.

We're Walking...

2011-04-04T14:13:00.000-07:00

After 2 solid weeks of rain, rain, rain...last week the weather turned, well, perfect (this is one of the things I love best about the Bay Area). So we've been outside as much as possible and taking as many nice long walks as we can. And of course, taking nice long breaks to lay on the grass.

We're So Excited!

2011-03-30T13:46:00.000-07:00

At the end of April, we're going to take our first family vacation...to Paris and London! And yes, she's young, but Mills is so excited about going.

We've been planning out our trip, and here's the girlie learning all she can about Paris...

And London...

We've been to Paris before (I took a six week photography course there back in 2007), but never to London, so Herman bought this book for me ("The Beatles London"):

And now, of course, Mills is convinced that we're going to see the Beatles in London. I have no idea how to break it to her that we're not actually going to see them. And I know eventually I'll have to tell her that her beloved John is no longer with us (One of my friends said it's going to be like other parents having to tell their kids there's no Santa Claus). Sigh.

We're so excited!!! We know it'll be different traveling with an almost three year old, but we also know that she'll do great. We've made sure to plan in down/rest time for her, as well as picnics at the Eiffel Tower, sailing boats at the Luxembourg Gardens, etc. And we're already planning how we're going to show her the real Eiffel Tower. Her mind is going to be blown.

To the Best Man I Know...

2011-03-29T13:53:00.001-07:00

...Happy Birthday! We love you more than anything.

The Weekend.

2011-03-28T14:52:00.000-07:00

A little bit of lounging with (fake) coffee...a little bit of wing eating...a lot of Dexter watching...

Happy Friday!

2011-03-25T13:54:00.000-07:00

Have a great weekend!

Just Photos...

2011-03-23T14:12:00.001-07:00

...because I feel like I owe ya.

Back. Sort of.

2011-03-22T14:33:00.000-07:00

Sorry to have disappeared for a week. I've been so busy with work (I'm currently working on invite suites for 4 weddings...plus a huge logo project) that blogging has had to take a back seat. That and we really did nothing exciting last week.

I wanted to thank all of you for your encouragement about Mills dropping her nap. I really appreciate your feedback and suggestions. We're trying out some different things, and so far it's going pretty well. I think I will set up some sort of little table and chairs in my office and I have some things in there that she's only allowed to play with in my office. She loves her stacking blocks and her lacing beads...they'll usually keep her happy and busy for 30 minutes.

I think the hardest thing for Mills has simply been that she's used to having me be totally hers during her waking hours. We're playing together, going on walks, running errands, cleaning. Even if my attention isn't 100% on her...she's still got most of it. So I think it's good for her to have a couple of hours during the day where she has to learn to play on her own and entertain herself. Of course, I'm constantly checking in with her or she's in my office...but she's still having to entertain herself. It's good for her.

But the funny thing is that it's not been a huge deal because half of the time, she decides that she wants to take a nap after all. When I put her down for rest time, I tell her that she can either lay down and go to sleep or she can sit and play quietly. She'll tell me, "Mama, I don't want to sit up. I want to lay down and go to sleep." Well, okay then.

And I'm completely torn now between wanting her to nap (so I have a more focused time to work) and not wanting her to nap because I know that means she'll fall asleep faster at night. If she naps, she'll usually take at least an hour and a half to fall asleep at night. But if she doesn't nap? Under 15. And she'll sleep 12 hours straight. Or, like yesterday...she didn't nap and then we took a long walk after I got done working. By 7.30, she was super cranky...we put her to bed early and she was out in 5 minutes. 5 minutes! That's craziness. She slept from 8.00 pm to 8.45 am. See?! Crazy!

So I guess we'll just take it day by day. And in case you're wondering...yes, she does get cuter everyday:

Well...It's Happened...

2011-03-10T14:22:00.000-08:00

...

Mills has dropped her nap. I knew it would happen eventually, but I had hoped that she'd at least keep it up until this fall when she starts pre-school.

The good news is that by dropping her nap, a lot of her sleep issues have been resolved. She'll fall asleep in 30 minutes rather than 2 hours, and she'll sleep straight from 9.00 pm - 9.00 am. Yup.

The harder part, which we're trying to figure out...is my work. Her nap/rest time has been 3 hours ever since we came home, which gave me a good chunk of time during the day to work. Now she rests (ie: plays quietly in her bed) for an hour, but when she gets up, I still need to get work done.

She's been pretty good about understanding that I need to work, but there are some moments that have been hard. Like her coming in and laying her head down on my lap and asking to sit with me (as I'm wielding an exacto knife? Not a great idea). Or she'll suddenly call out from the living room, "Hey! Mama! You want to come read to me?" So I do.

Anybody out there want to weigh in on how to work at home with your toddler? I'm not talking about working all day. Just managing to grab a few hours in the afternoon...

Anyone? Anyone?

The Cutest Kid.

2011-03-08T14:11:00.000-08:00

She's a natural...and yes, we will be getting her guitar lessons some day. She's definitely interested.

We had a pretty busy weekend with our good friends Noa and Julie, who were in town for the weekend. We didn't get a lot of photos, but I did capture this moment with Mills and Noa. They bonded. Thanks for coming down you guys! We love you and miss you already!

Happy Friday!

2011-03-04T14:23:00.001-08:00

Emilia has, of late, mastered the fine art of dressing herself. With one small exception. The shirt. It always gets the best of her, until she dissolves into giggles and asks for help.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Big Cute.

2011-03-03T15:05:00.001-08:00

I recently picked up this dress for Emilia, thinking that it would be a great Easter dress. I was wrong, as it's way too big for her (yes, even I misjudge her tiny-ness sometimes). However, as soon as she saw it, she begged to put it on...immediately pronounced herself "big cute just like Auntie Jen"...got her modeling groove on...then finished up with some light housework ("right here Mama? Should I dust right here?" she asks).

Caught!

2011-03-01T14:06:00.000-08:00

...the incredibly rare and illusive "bion". A gorgeous creature, but a shy one. This one does not seem happy to be having it's photo taken.

Just kidding. This bion is very friendly...and very cuddly. I even got a huge bion hug after all was said and done.

My Fabulous Pirate.

2011-02-24T14:19:00.000-08:00

Kade and Emilia have been playing so well together lately. This week, it was all about dressing up.

She makes quite the cute pirate, no?

She's CR-azy.

2011-02-23T15:22:00.000-08:00

In general, Emilia is a really happy kid. But some days she wakes up and she's just so excited about her day that she spends it all laughing and dancing and giggling.

Like yesterday. She was silly...all day long. At the grocery store she'd throw her head back and give a huge belly laugh. People stared. People smiled. At home she did it non-stop. I tried to get a bit of it on video...she's a bit subdued, but still ridiculously silly. And this? 10 minutes before bedtime.

The eye roll at 06 seconds is killer.

Nothing Much.

2011-02-22T14:38:00.001-08:00

Sigh.

There's not much going on around here. Well...not much that is blog worthy anyway. The weather has been rainy for the last week, so we haven't been outside much. And when we are indoors, Mills absolutely insists on running around au naturel (and I'm so not posting those photos here!). Herman left for Asia on Sunday...Monday we hung out with a good friend (thanks Wendy! Susan - we missed you and Isa!)...and I've been working a lot.

So, I'm posting these outtake photos from another project that I've just finished. I'm going to keep it as a surprise for now...Because I can.

Happy Friday!

2011-02-18T14:04:00.001-08:00

Lately, Mills has been fascinated by the idea of traveling. She'll put on one of her (many) hats, grab her backpack (or a paper sack) fill it full of her things, then tell me:

"Hey Mama. This is my suitcase! Where's my airplane? I need my airplane to go to Paris!"

She's also fascinated with going to Paris. To which I say, "smart kid!".

Cheers everyone! Have a great weekend!

Back!

2011-02-15T14:11:00.001-08:00

Things have been a bit quiet around here because my computer was having issues...but it's back and running great and I didn't (thank God) lose anything in the process (although there were a few moments of panic).

Yesterday morning, while I was getting ready, Emilia was in a ridiculously silly mood. I had some music on, but it wasn't to her liking, so she just started singing over the top of it. And dancing. And being generally cute.

Another rendition of "Twist and Shout":

And her current favorite, as she calls it, "She Loves You Yeah Yeah Yeah":

The Things She Says.

2011-02-10T13:26:00.001-08:00

(we're working on a project over here...just giving you a little peek)

:: (singing in the car) "Let it be...Let it be...Let it - oh! Baba starts with B!" (no, she hasn't seen the Sesame Street version)

:: When she drops Baby while she's running, she'll gasp and say "OH! MAH BABEH!"

:: "Mama, I like my name. It's perfect." *pause* "Mama, you call me 'Emilia'. Baba and people call me 'Millie'."

:: "Mama? You know what 'gou gou' is in Chinese?"
"Um, 'gou gou' is Chinese. It's 'dog' in Chinese."
"Oh. It's already Chinese. You know what 'Dexter' is in Chinese?"
I then explain that Dexter doesn't have a Chinese name and she dissolves into giggles.

:: Herman (coming upstairs after her nap): "Where's my favorite girl?"
"Right here Baba! On the toilet!"

:: Jervis and Jen taught Mills how to text. Now, whenever she sees me texting, she'll run over and ask "Mama? You texting Mama? Did you hit send Mama?"

:: After draping a blanket over her highchair and another chair..."Hey look Baby! We've got a big tunnel right here!"

:: "Dexter? Dexter? Where are you Dexter? Come and play with me please!" After they play, she runs over to him and gives him a hug and says "Thank you for playing with me!"

:: There are a number of those Beatles on iTunes billboards around here. Every time we drive by one, she'll gasp and yell out "THE BEATLES!".

:: "Mama, Mama! Special sticker for Mum! Baba, Baba, special sticker for Bob!"

Making Valentine's.

2011-02-09T14:19:00.001-08:00

Before we had Emilia, we loved holidays...but never really decorated or did anything for them other then celebrating on the day of. But now that we have Mills and she's getting to an age where holidays are exciting, I've been trying to be more deliberate about doing something with her for them.

So, with Valentine's Day quickly sneaking up on us, I thought she'd enjoy making some valentine's for her friends. We sat down with some paper and water colors and she loved it...for all of 5 minutes. After that she was just engrossed by stirring the water and mixing the paints. Oh well.

I let the couple paintings that she did complete dry for a day, then I printed some valentines cards on the back and cut them out.

I'm sure she'll be excited about the chocolate.

(if you're interested in the hugging hearts...I've made them available for download here! Although I'm sure all of you have planned ahead better than me and already have your kids Valentine's figured out...).

The (Beautiful) Weekend.

2011-02-07T13:34:00.000-08:00

The weather has been incredible here, so this weekend we took a little stroll around Stanford...

Happy Friday!

2011-02-04T15:40:00.000-08:00

Emilia has started to "read" back her books to us (she's a genius, what can I say?) and it's seriously the cutest thing ever. And we finally got it on video...normally, I wouldn't post a video this long, but it's so worth it. The 44 second mark is my favorite.

Happy Friday!

Back!

2011-02-02T14:30:00.000-08:00

We're back! It's been a bit of a crazy week here. Jervis and Jen came into town (good!), but Mills got really sick (bad)...fever, cough, the whole bit. We finally got out of the house for a bit yesterday, so hopefully photos will make up for the long bloggy absence...

Oh Snap.

2011-01-26T13:06:00.001-08:00

Mills recently learned to "snap" her fingers (which, of course, is just her rubbing her thumb and pointer together):

She thinks it's the funniest thing ever. I think it's one of the cutest things ever.

The Weekend.

2011-01-24T14:31:00.000-08:00

This weekend we...went walking in the Saratoga hills (and founds loads of acorns)...

Got a bit cold...

Walked up hills...

Took some photos together...

Posed...

Walked on fallen trees...

Gave Lion and Baby a bath...

Drank some iced coffee (with wooden block ice, naturally)...

Rode a motorcycle and talked on a phone...

And this is the look I got when I told her that talking on a phone while driving is illegal in California (not to mention being pantless and not wearing a helmet)...

We hope you all had a great weekend too!

Happy Friday!

2011-01-21T14:50:00.000-08:00

The weather is gorgeous here, so we're looking forward to a weekend outside. We hope you all have a beautiful weekend too!

Growing Up.

2011-01-19T13:49:00.000-08:00

Today we enrolled Mills in preschool. It's a great little Montessori school just a couple of blocks from us. They only take 12 kids and the few times we've visited, Mills seems really comfortable there. In fact, as we were leaving this morning, she waved goodbye to the teachers and kids and then informed me that those are her "old friends". She'll start in September, which means the next 8 1/2 months are going to be spent working towards her being okay without me or Herman (she's not been left with anyone since we came home with her).

Likewise, I'm going to be working on being okay with letting her go. Seriously. I'm totally going to be that mom that drops the kid off and then cries. Most likely in my car. But it'll be good for her. Good for us.

In other news...new sunnies! "Just like Mama's", so she's super excited to wear them. They are both more sturdy and less expensive than mine. There's no one cuter than this kid.

The Weekend.

2011-01-18T13:31:00.001-08:00

Our weekend was pretty quiet and relaxing. Just like a weekend should be.

Hope you all had a great long weekend too!

Happy Friday!

2011-01-14T13:55:00.001-08:00

You've seen her amazing dance moves to "Twist and Shout"...now see her sing it:

And just because they're brilliant and Mills loves watching them (which is probably where she got her amazing dance moves):

Have a great weekend!

Yeah. I'm Lucky.

2011-01-13T13:34:00.001-08:00

(obvious reasons aside, of course)

Potty training. I've done nothing to plan for it. I've briefly talked to friends about what they did with their kids. But other than that. Nada.

Instead, this is how we've handled it:

Me: "On Thursday, you're not going to wear diapers anymore. You're going to wear underwear, okay?"
Mills: "Okay Mama."
Me: "What are you doing on Thursday?"
Mills: "UNDERWEARS! Just like Mama!"
Me: "Yup. Do we pee in our underwear?"
Mills: "Noooooooo. In the toilet."
Me: "What do you do if you need to pee?"
Mills: "Ask Mama. Ask Baba. Ask Dexter."

Well. I think she's got it. Except for the Dexter part. I'm not sure he'll be able to help her, but I'm glad she has her support team.

Of course, I can take no credit for this. Until she met us, the kid had never worn a diaper. We regressed her because we didn't know how to handle the whole traveling thing without diapers and getting to know her. She's always sat on the toilet for two's...and then in the past few months she just started to train herself on the pee thing.

The big problem we're having? Finding little underwear that actually fit her 12 month size butt. And pull ups for sleeping. They are massive on her. I put them on her for her nap today. She looked at them. Looked at me. And said, "They're pretty big."

Indeed girlie.

(yes, I just blogged about potty training. Sigh.)

And because her buddy and her are just too cute together:

On an Acorn Hunt.

2011-01-11T13:50:00.001-08:00

Happy Friday!

2011-01-07T14:22:00.000-08:00

Little Tiny Chinese

2011-01-05T13:53:00.001-08:00

A Year (and a few days) Later...

2011-01-04T14:33:00.000-08:00

December 27 came and went pretty quietly. Well. Relatively so. We left my parents house and headed back up to Boise to catch up with some friends, so I guess it was anything but quiet...

But there was no time set aside for a specific one year celebration. We talked about it briefly and have both sort of came to the same conclusion: we're not really sure how to celebrate (at least in the traditional sense of the word) the day we met Emilia.

Of course we "celebrate" her every day. We thank God every single day that she's our kid. We marvel every single day at the person she is becoming and how incredibly lucky we are that we know her and get to raise her. We look back and are amazed at how far she's come in the past year.

But to celebrate the day we met? I look back on that day and see a tiny little girl who is so scared and so confused because she woke up that morning with a family...a family that she had known for all her life...and they dropped her off at the orphanage and walked away. Then she was handed to us, put in a car for an hour drive back to a city she'd never been to, and hasn't seen that family she knew again. I've said it before...she remembers. Even now. And to celebrate (again, in the traditional sense of the word) that day, especially knowing Mills as we do and seeing what that day cost her, well...it just doesn't feel right.

I know this isn't everyone's experience...and I know that a lot of people might disagree and urge us to mark the day we became a family with at least some sort of celebration. And maybe someday we will. I think we both agree that we'll let Mills take charge of this area when she's old enough to understand. And if she wants to celebrate, then we'll be the first to throw a party...but if not, then we'll continue to do what we're doing now...

We'll find little ways to celebrate her person and her life and our little family every day.

Happy Friday!

2010-12-31T15:41:00.001-08:00

Christmas, Part Two.

2010-12-30T14:45:00.001-08:00

When we went to Idaho back in June, we purposely kept things super low key for Millie. It was the first time we'd traveled since meeting her and it was a pretty overwhelming experience for her.

This time? Totally different. In fact, it's pretty amazing how much she's changed in the past 6 months...and how secure she is with us and with meeting new people. We were so incredibly proud of her. We managed to catch up with a number of good friends and each time, Millie just jumped in and played with their kids. Seriously. So proud.

Christmas Eve afternoon was spent at my Grandpa and Grandma Easterday's house.

...Mills with her great grandma...

...and with her great grandpa...

...reading her Buzz and Woody book with Grandma...

...and sitting "just like Baba!"...

Christmas Eve night was spent at my grandpa and grandma Herzinger's house...

...Millie immediately fell in love with my cousin Ashlee's kid, Austin. I think the feeling was pretty mutual....

...opening presents...

...Getting ready to open more presents on Christmas morning at my parents...

...excited about her pile of gifts...

...and a little suspicious of that penguin...

...Her favorite gift was this little wooden coffee maker that my brother gave her (she calls it her "coffee shop") and she loved to walk around drinking her coffee.

...She had a great time playing with my parents...

...making "tunnels"...

...and watching movies with Grandpa...

All in all, a pretty great first Christmas with the girlie.

Christmas, Part One.

2010-12-29T15:19:00.000-08:00

We're back! And we hope that you all had a really great Christmas!

We traveled to Idaho for Christmas, so before we left, we did Christmas at home with Mills the Sunday before (the little yellow chair was one of her gifts):

She started with her stocking...

...which held a view finder...

It took her a bit to figure it out (she kept closing her eyes when she put it to her face), but once she did, she loved it (we got her Toy Story reels, Where the Wild Things Are reels, and animal reels)...

...she also got a little penguin...

...and, of course, some candy...which she had picked out (LOVE the squirrel cheeks)...

...she then dove into the bigger presents...

...my aunt and uncle gave her a recorder...

...she really...really...

...really LOVED it.

...opening her big present (a Plan Toys airport!)...

...and a little helicopter...

...after she'd played for awhile with all her new goods, we headed to the Stanford shopping center for hot chocolate, coffee and pastries...

...and ended with a trip to see Santa. I was pretty impressed that she actually wanted to do it! We watched some other kids for awhile and when we asked if she wanted to go sit with Santa, she was all for it. Of course she barely said a word and refused to even crack a smile, but she couldn't stop talking about it later. When he asked what she wanted, she said, "Christmas". He didn't really know how to respond to that one.

Next up...Idaho!

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-16T14:20:00.000-08:00

We wanted to take this opportunity to say "thank you!" to all of you. With all of your comments and emails and texts and phone calls...you've been such a source of encouragement to us as we've gone through this first year with Millie. We're thankful for each and every one of you! And we hope that you all have a beautiful and very merry Christmas!

(we'll be back to regular posting after the holidays...and yes, we couldn't decide between our two favorite photos, so I made 2 different Christmas cards...)

Coloring Lessons with Millie.

2010-12-15T14:01:00.000-08:00

Step one: open up a coloring book. Any coloring book will do. It's really not important. Seriously. It's not important.

Step two: dump out all your crayons.

Step three: Begin the work of organizing your crayons. How you want to organize them is up to you. Millie prefers to start with facing all the tips down...

Step four (and this is important): make sure they are all lined up. However much time you need to spend to make sure they are all perfectly lined up...do it. Unlike the coloring book, this actually IS important.

Step five: stand back and shout out in triumph and announce to anyone who's listening that you've "colored!!!!"

Step six: repeat. And over the 45 minutes or so that you spend doing this, make absolutely sure that no crayon touches paper in a deliberate way. You wouldn't want anyone to think that you're actually doing something traditionally artistic.

Why? How do your kids "color"?

What 2 1/2 Looks Like...

2010-12-14T13:39:00.001-08:00

Tiny. Wiggly. Full of personality and charm. Generous. Beautiful. We love her like no other.

Happy Friday!

2010-12-10T13:44:00.000-08:00

I finally found Mills a stocking. It's giant. It has a penguin on it. She loves it.

"Oh! There's nothing in there!" she says...

Then, amidst a LOT of giggling, she tells me that she's going to put it on her foot.

Which, of course, is hilarious. "Nah". She says. "it's too big".

Have a great weekend everyone!

Motorcycle!

2010-12-07T15:30:00.001-08:00

This is what happens when you have a girlie (and a Mama) who love motorcycles...loads of extra cardboard boxes...and a bit of time...

Happy Friday!

2010-12-03T14:35:00.000-08:00

Millie had such a great time playing with Kade yesterday that she could not stop talking about it. And gesturing. And hopping up and down...

And because I know not everyone understands my two and a half year old, here's the script:

"..talk...and read...and Kade read...and Kade read...and show him...and lay down...on a pillow...and take a nap...and turn lights...and...READ!"

A couple of people have also mentioned having problems getting the video to play here, so I'll start giving the link as well: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sG3om_pTAQM

Have a great weekend everyone!

Impromptu Christmas Photo Shoot...

2010-12-01T16:06:00.001-08:00

Okay. I couldn't choose my favorite to show...so you're getting my 9 favorite. I had to narrow that down from 300. Yup.

Do you have a favorite?

(also, if you haven't yet, don't forget to enter the giveaway here. You have until Friday at noon!)

The Big News!

2010-11-30T13:40:00.000-08:00

After 2 years of talking about it and a number of months working on it in all my spare time (which is why I've been so bad at the whole email/facebook/blog commenting thing), I'm so excited to announce that my etsy shop is finally open!!!

Also, I'm holding a bit of a giveaway on the 45wall blog to celebrate. You have til Friday morning to enter, so go check it out!!!

First Thanksgiving!

2010-11-29T13:34:00.001-08:00

This was the table (our friend Jen made the mini pies...GREAT idea)...

And this was Mills before the meal...You'd think we never feed her the way she sat there spooning air into her mouth...

...she pretty much cleaned her whole plate...

...and LOVED her mini plum pie (sorry about the quality of some of these photos. We don't have a lot of natural light in our place).

On Saturday, we put up her Christmas tree (yes, I did say "her" Christmas tree). When I put it up, she put both of her hands over her mouth and gasped. SO. CUTE.

We gave her her ornaments and let her decorate however she wanted. Which you know means that they're all in a cluster in the front, although she does take them off and rearrange them from time to time. She also loves to pat the tree and make sure all the limbs are where they need to be. "There you go!" she says.

My little bear-bear sitting back and admiring her hard work...

...and we almost got a smile out of her for the camera.

We hope you all had a great Thanksgiving holiday as well!

And yes, I know I said we had big news...but I've decided to wait and share it tomorrow. Sorry!

Happy Thanksgiving...

2010-11-23T13:28:00.000-08:00

Okay. So I'm a couple days early, but we've got a ton of stuff going on around here and I don't think I'll get to post tomorrow...so today it is!

I'll leave you with this...

You'll have to watch the video to find out what's she's doing (hint: "BIG Christmas tree")

We hope you all have a great holiday and we'll be back next week with details of Millie's first Thanksgiving...and some exciting news!

The Weekend!

2010-11-22T14:51:00.000-08:00

This weekend was pretty laid back for us. Herman got home late Friday night, so on Saturday, we spent the whole day playing and relaxing and avoiding the rain and cold outside.

Then on Sunday, we went to my in laws for lunch, and this little cutie....

...learned to do a somersault! And as she is brilliant, it only took one time for me to show her and she was off and rolling on her own.

Seriously. Look at that form!

I think she loves it.

We hope you all had a great weekend too!

Happy Friday!

2010-11-19T13:36:00.000-08:00

"What? What?"

Have a great weekend everyone!

Thank You.

2010-11-18T14:11:00.000-08:00

(They've made progress too. Dexter actually jumped on the couch and sat on her lap. She loved it)

Yesterday, I walked away from my computer and didn't come back for a couple of hours. So I was surprised to see all of your lovely comments and incredibly encouragement. I really appreciate it (especially since I wasn't looking for it!) and appreciate you taking the time to comment.

I did want to follow up with a couple of things...

First, I've made so many mistakes with Millie over the last 10 months that I can't even count them. I've said "I'm sorry" to her more times than I can count. Many times, I've reacted out of my own insecurities rather than responded to her needs. I've failed and I know I'm going to fail many more times as we raise her. But I am trying to live in grace and I am very thankful that she and I have come this far. I'd hate for anyone to go away from reading yesterday's post feeling like I'm doing all the right things. I'm not. I'm trying...but I'm not.

Secondly, I really hope it didn't come across that those of you with bio kids just don't get it. I am incredibly lucky to be surrounded by AMAZING women (all with bio kids) who have come alongside me and Millie and have listened to hours of me talking about these issues, have prayed for me, have wept with me. They are all (and you know who you are) beautiful women with huge empathetic hearts, and while they may not always understand...they watch us and they do get it. They don't minimize our issues or try to explain them away. For them, I am incredibly grateful. I really don't know how I would survive all of this without them.

I think I'll end it here. Thank you all, again, for such amazing encouragement. I'm completely and utterly overwhelmed.

An Update.

2010-11-17T14:17:00.000-08:00

When we started this blog, Herman and I both agreed that we'd be completely open and honest here. Since meeting Millie, the blog has changed a bit. Mostly just to photos and the fun things we're doing. We sort of decided not to talk (at least here) about the specifics of how hard it's been for her, since we feel that's her story to share, not ours. Don't get me wrong, she really is doing great...but like any child who's experienced such massive loss, we're still working through those things.

But a huge shift happened recently in our family, and we thought we'd share it with all of you.

This photo?

This was taken about a week after we met Millie. And about 2 seconds after Herman took this photo, she reared back and head butted me.

Being the parent who's rejected in the beginning by your adopted child is a hard thing for other people to understand...unless you're talking to someone who has also been rejected by their adopted child. Even Herman will be the first to admit, after seeing it day in and day out for months (MONTHS) that he still didn't grasp the depth of it.

I've had a ton of well meaning people say things like "oh, it'll pass. All kids reject one parent at one time or another", "oh, my (bio) kid did that when we brought a sibling home from the hospital", etc. etc. etc. Again, I completely understand where people are coming from. People want to be encouraging. They want to be able to give me something to take away and hold on to. I get it.

But it's not the same. This is not about preference for one parent over another. This is even about me (because...how could it be?). This is about a wound so deep in her little heart that we can't even imagine or begin to heal.

We recently listened to this episode of "This American Life" about unconditional love (which, if you are an adoptive parent, have a friend or child with an adopted kid, or are thinking about adopting...listen to this. It's amazing and it took me a number of days to actually make it through because it was so emotional for me to listen to).

They interview a couple who adopted a 7 year old boy from Romania who had severe attachment issues. They talked about how confused the boy was about family. He didn't understand that there was a difference between adoptive parents and birth parents. He thought his mom gave birth to him, left him in an orphanage for 7 years, then came back to get him. He was so angry and confused...and he needed someone to hate. So? He unleashed all that anger and grief and sadness onto his mom.

Did you get that? He needed someone to hate. He couldn't hate his birth mother or father...but he could hate his mom because she was right there and symbolized everything that had hurt him.

So yeah, our experience? Nothing like theirs...except in one small area.

Our beautiful, gorgeous, brilliant, generous, empathetic baby girl was abandoned. TWICE. By women. And people will say (again, trying to be helpful)..."Oh, she'll never remember that". Okay. Maybe she will maybe she won't. But guess what? She remembers it right now. It was only 10 months ago. Believe me...SHE REMEMBERS.

I'm not angry at her because she rejected me. I understand why it happened. Of course, that doesn't change the fact that it's been rough for the both of us. I've worked with her every single day for the past 10 months, giving her stability, getting her to trust me. To understand that I'm not leaving.

Up to the day before her surgery, she was still going through bouts of rejecting me. Herman and I both agree that it seemed like she'd start to let me in, start to love me and fear losing me...and all that emotion towards me terrified her. So what else did she know to do other than reject me?

Leading up to her surgery, I literally had to give myself little pep talks about what it was going to be like after the surgery. I figured that she'd regress and reject me utterly for Herman. I was ready for it. I was prepared for it.

So there was no one more surprised than me when we walked into the recovery room and before I could see her, I could hear her screaming for me. Her Mama.

As soon as she saw me, she reached up and for the next two hours we sat in a chair and cried together. For the next couple of days she would only let me hold her. She would only let me lay down and sleep with her.

And now? A month later? I'm still the only one that can put her to bed at night. Suddenly, I'm the one she wants. She runs to me when she's hurt. She cries out for me when she's scared. She will cuddle with me and lay her head on my shoulder and just let me hold her.

I finally saw...I understood after 10 long months of fighting for her...she adores Herman. Adores him. But she trusts me.

And that...is huge.

We've still got a long way to go. And she has a lot of issues that we are working through together and that creep up on us in unexpected ways. But there has been this huge shift in our house. It's no longer her and Herman...and then me. It's us. A family.

And for her I would do it all over again.

The Weekend.

2010-11-15T14:16:00.000-08:00

...and that pretty much sums it up. Hope you all had a great weekend too!

Happy Friday!

2010-11-12T14:43:00.001-08:00

I give you...the most ridiculous kid ever (in the best way possible, of course). Have a great weekend everyone!

CARROT!!!!

Owl.

2010-11-11T14:45:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the lack of posts this week. I've been swamped during Millie's nap time...

This is her learning to say "I love you". She used to just say "owl". She's all about keeping it short and sweet.

The Weekend!

2010-11-08T14:41:00.000-08:00

This weekend we finally took Millie to the Monterey Bay Aquarium. She loved the otters (who doesn't?)...the penguins...and anywhere there was something she could turn or a button she could push. She didn't love the simulated wave machine and she was pretty bummed that she didn't get to stick her feet in the ocean.

And today...doing her best otter impression.

Happy Friday!

2010-11-05T14:36:00.001-07:00

We are so unbelievably lucky that we get to see this face every day...Seriously. Look at her!

And this? This is how she feels about chocolate:

Have a great weekend everyone!

Giants!

2010-11-03T16:31:00.001-07:00

I'll be the first to admit that I'm not a huge baseball fan (that might be an understatement). Football? Yes. Basketball? Yes. Hockey? Yes. But baseball? I've just never been into it ("boring" is usually how I describe it). And I'll admit that I didn't really watch the world series until, say, the 7th inning of game 5.

But I am excited that the Giants won. And it's a HUGE deal for San Francisco.

So when Herman said he wanted to go to the Giants victory parade, I wasn't totally on board. Getting up early to take a crowded train into a crowded city and walk to a crowded street where the crowd would be so big that I couldn't see a thing? Didn't sound too fun. But we did it.

And you know...it WAS fun. We had a great time. I totally got caught up in the excitement.

Maybe (maybe) I'll give this baseball thing a shot.

Guess What?

2010-11-02T14:27:00.000-07:00

No nose tubes!

The Weekend.

2010-11-01T15:34:00.000-07:00

This weekend Millie...

...wanted to only wear my shoes...

...and discovered that they make a great seat ("Look Mama! Seat!")...

...decided to take a short trip to Paris ("Going to Paris!")...

...stopped to take some photos...

...and show off her driving skills...

...got dressed up as a fox for Halloween (thanks Susan!)...

...rang a few doorbells...

...did a lot of jumping ...

...and got to enjoy some of her spoils...

...even though the sucker apparently needed cleaning after each lick...

Hope you all had a great weekend!

Happy Friday!

2010-10-29T14:41:00.000-07:00

Have a great weekend everyone!

Just Photos...

2010-10-27T14:29:00.001-07:00

A Very Beatles Weekend.

2010-10-25T14:39:00.000-07:00

Herman was traveling on Friday night, so Millie and I sat down and watched "A Hard Day's Night"...which led to lots of dancing...

...and I think she might have a little crush on John Lennon because every time he'd leave the screen she'd look at me and say "John?". Watching it also led her to tell me that she was going to play the guitar and I'd play the drums. So we spent most of the rainy, cold weekend inside doing this:

I think she's got a future as a musician, no?

And yes, we wore our Beatles ("Be-als") shirts all weekend. She insisted.